Friday, September 24, 2010

Dealing with death

The hard thing about college is being away from home. If something happens, it can be hard for people to get back home to deal with it.
Last night, I went to hang out with some people, and when I came back to my room, I found a text message from a friend back home saying another friend had died.
I felt like it couldn't be real. Like, I'm not home, so there's no way he could possibly be gone. I didn't get to say goodbye.
He was 17, and died in a motorcycle accident, going 80 MPH down a back road when a car pulled out in front of him. He hit the car and flipped over it.
Death is hard enough to deal with as it is, but being away from's worse. How do you get back for services? How do you cope? Yes, friends can be great and be there for you, but that doesn't always help.
My home is only about 40 minutes away from Milwaukee, but I can't get back to go to the funeral. That makes it so much harder. There's absolutely no closure. You can "pretend", and say goodbye here, but it's not the same.
I still haven't accepted it, I don't think. I wasn't particularly close to this person, but it's still upsetting. I've known him for 4 years, and now he's just....gone.


  1. Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow,
    May looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and everyone who knew your friend.

  2. My prayers are with you all too... I'm so sorry.

    I can relate to not getting a chance to grieve. In 6th grade my 2nd grade teacher, a close personal friend of mine, died of a brain tumor. No one told me she had a tumor and I was informed of her death after the funeral had already taken place, my mom thought it best I remembered her alive.

    In a sense it was a good thing because it's like she's still out there, somewhere, I just don't see her anywhere anymore. Which according to my beliefs is not necessarily bad or incorrect- her soul still lives on, just not in her body in front of me. I've accepted her moving on and said "goodbye" in my own way even though I never had the opportunity to grieve in the common sense of the word.

    A funeral does solidify things, but maybe pictures could help you make sense of it and accept it. Perhaps a picture of the motorcycle, a picture of him, or a picture of the funeral? And maybe you could have your own little personal goodbye for him here from school.

    Regardless I wish you and all who knew him the best. Stay strong, and if you ever need a hug or an ear to talk to you know where to find me.